Dutch Entrances to Hell - 2005
12 Dutch entrances are known per 10 may 2006: Zijpe, Vicenza, Hunze, Punter, Kapittelland, Bergschenhoek, Egergaard, Ebkreek, Swalm, Bodelo, Babylon and Celesta. And we've also found one celestial entrance called Erasmus.
I was inspired by the great research of Entrances to Hell around the UK to do a bit of research myself. In 2005 - 2006 I searched the mysteriological archives and did a lot of fieldwork. I have been able to locate 12 certified entrances. There may be many more however. Don't underestimate the resourcefulness of evil.

The city of Rotterdam seems to be the focal point of hell's rising. This in itself is a great mimicry; everyone would have thought that the master of lies would surface in The Hague or in Amsterdam itself.
1 - Zijpe
As you can see Zijpe is temporarily out of order. But is being renovated. Having been the primary Rotterdam exit it was starting to erode and leak.
The plumbing and machinery were in for an overhaul after 200 years of almost permanent use.
It will soon return to active service. Then it will be fitted with the newest Mark-5 / Mach-7 exits, that have been custom made in Iran.
Temperature: 25 C, Humidity: 30 %
2 - Vicenza
During the overhaul of Zijpe traffic has been steady at the Vicenza exit. Being near one of the busiest highway crossings it has seen it's share of evil.

You can imagine the two doors swinging open and the evil 4-wheel buggies invading the upper world.
Taf: EHRD 061011Z 061812 10012KT CAVOK=
Metar: EHRD 061125Z 10010KT 060V140 CAVOK 22/11 Q1020 NOSIG
3 - Hunze
Vicenza has a direct connection to Hunze. This is a fast passageway from the industrial to the habitable parts of Rotterdam. It is especially useful for spreading the "night hag" phenomenon and fear of head-shrinkers. This is not a good place to take a piss at night!
4 - Punter
Punter is one of the "quick and dirty" entrances that were built in the post-war years. It is next on the Rotterdam renovation list.
The pipework and the regulators could use a good overhaul.
But this exit can't be just written off. It's the only exit that can accomodate the new type of flat micro-bats that have proved so successful during the murder of Pim Fortuyn and Theo van Gogh.
The renovation plans are ready and waiting for approval by the probability committee. After renovation it should look more slick and modern, something like this exit near the local undertaker's headquarters.
Ph: 7,6
5 - Kapittelland
Conveniently located in one of the back alleys Kapittelland is a highly strategic location, one that the master of evil will defend to the last. When the Bishop of Rotterdam ordered the entrance to be blocked, a new opening was made. A short time later the bishop had to resign after false accusation of homosexuality.

It is easy to see that this is an active entrance. The secret message thet had been tucked under the cover plate has been removed since my first visit.
It is quite possible that a similar higly active entrance is being grafted a few houseblocks away.
Decibels: 30 dB
6 - Bergschenhoek
Bergschenhoek is placed in an area of artificial hills and holes. Here the subterraneans made a feeble attempt at recreating the Verdun WW-I landscape, but they failed miserably. This exit has fallen into disrepute and is replaced by the more modern "B" exit placed nearby.
This one is fully active and has a strong attraction for urban explorers and graffiti artists. Therefore it has to be protected by ball and chain.
It is connected to this - as yet unnamed and undeveloped - entrance in Groningen.
Pitch: C 4 sharp, 277.18 Hz
7 - Egergaard
A modern attempt at "stealth" technology - Egergaard has been hidden in a 16th century church in Waterland. It was accidentally discovered during a restoration of the ornamental pulpit.
As yet it is undecided whether this is a real entrance for microdots or whether it's just a drop box or Echelon listening device.

But there are some specialists who maintain that this is not an entrance to hell at all, but exactly the opposite - an entrance to heaven, just like Erasmus (see 13 below).
8 - Ebkreek
Ebkreek is one of the nastiest places in Rotterdam. It is suspected that stolen cars get a repaint here in the middle of nowhere. And if this is untrue - then it looks true anyway. The exit looks neglected, but don't forget that it is only meant for the little yellow dwarfs. The great red birds can be launched out of the chimney, powered by 10 bar pistons.
Incidentally - this is where the Devil parks his black car while visiting the seaside.
Hue: Purple
9 - Swalm
When the noise barrier was built along the Kruithuisweg in Delft it's foundations blocked the previous mouth of Swalm. Without delay the vandal forces created a fresh new exit, creating just a 5 millisecond delay. Some added echo was unavoidable.
Body count: - 90
10 - Bodelo
Hidden between the country lanes of Nieuwerkerk it's unclear what the purpose of Bodelo is.

The neglected outside hides an internal passageway that was carefully crafted after the Matrix movie.
The authorities are most suspicious of the red effluent that sometimes flows from this country entrance. Though bacteriologically pure, it is not advisable to use it for cooking.
Hardness (Mohs scale): 3
11 - Babylon
Babylon exits in The Hague and feeds the political branch of the network. In his usual overconfident manner the dark master has named the whole big shopping center "Babylon", thus giving away his game.
It is connected to an obscure and unidentified entrance in Bloemendaal that connects politics to the rich and influential business cabal. The Bloemendaal entrance is suitably placed between a church, graveyard, lawyer's office and a music school.
12 - Celesta
Right beneath the second ring of power Celesta has been created by a diamond edged power drill. When the second earh-center pipe has been laid this will be a very powerful entrance.
The only drawback is the old fashioned remote control box, that's situated way in the distance.

It is rumoured that the remote control is coupled to another box in the brown-coal area of Germany.
It's immediately obvious that German technology and maintenance is superior to the Dutch. Great privacy is combined with the luxury of a tourist-like stairway.
Age: approx. 50 years
13 - Erasmus

Erasmus is the only entrance to heaven that we've been able to find. Angelic forces can exit from this door in force.

It may look like a forgotten corner in the St. Laurens-church, but it's a fierce power place. A top ley-center as described in the classic book by Wigholt Vleer.

The authorities are still pondering the question why there are 12 entrances to hell end just one entrance to heaven. There are several theories:

  • God is much more powerful than the Devil and he needs just one portal - some authorities even argue that God, being omnipresent needs no portal at all.
  • God works in a less conspicuous way and his portals are less conspicuous.
  • The recent increase in hell portals means the end of the world is near.
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May 2006